


If Waiting Could Kill

by queen_of_arts13



Category: Pocket Monsters: Sun & Moon | Pokemon Sun & Moon Versions
Genre: Artistic Reader, Depression, F/F, Ilima is the consultant, Reader-Insert, bisexual reader, hints of separation anxiety, it's also kinda old, it's not as dramatic as the title might suggest, mainly fluff and angst, or you can kinda just ignore that if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 05:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20755346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_of_arts13/pseuds/queen_of_arts13
Summary: Reader comes to Alola, meets an extremely sweet blonde, and realizes maybe she doesn't deserve her.





	If Waiting Could Kill

For endless days I'd been coming back to the same spot, staring out at the unknown oceanic expanse, waiting for that ship to come back.

The bustling city of Hau'oli on MeleMele Island had lights on day in and day out, and welcomed tourists at the Marina. That place brought up good and bad memories that I often contemplated. Though not as large as HeaHea City on the next island over, Hau'oli still caught many peoples' interest. Buildings were made tall enough that the city felt suburban, but also short enough to let the starlight shine down gently. My home was on the outskirts of town, past the Trainer's School where independent pokemon could roam in the tall grass. Professor Kukui's place was farther south, from whom I first received my Alolan starter pokemon, Rowlet.  
Before I moved to Alola, I lived in Johto, the more insignificant region adjacent to Kanto. My, how I loved Johto, especially Ecruteak City. The leaves in autumn mixed with the Japanese style granted me much art inspiration over the years. Once I defeated Red and became the Pokemon Master, my team and I decided we wanted to start another journey. My mom came with me to the tropical region. We had fun learning about the culture and vacationing the first few days. Then I learned of the Island Challenge. I absolutely adored my owl starter and caught a reliable team, occasionally switching out some of my Johto pokemon for tougher battles on the way.  
Things got interesting when I carried on to Akala Island. There, I met Hau, who was from Iki Town on MeleMele Island as well. We quickly became rivals, but we were also friends. His excited personality rivaled my calm demeanor. I got along well with Gladion after the conspiracy at Aether Paradise. From the moment I stepped in that bleached building I knew something was off. I was the main asset in stopping Lusamine from releasing the Ultra Beasts on Alola. Seriously, never trust anyone in all white. . . . In fact, I'll admit I had a small attraction to the seemingly-emo kid. He was always focused and competitive, but caring towards his Type: Null. We had a lot in common, only I had known my true feelings were for his sister, Lillie.  
She was truly someone in my eyes. Lillie progressively stayed strong, even when her mother was completely turned against her. She held determination in those large, green eyes. I could always talk to her comfortably and hold up a natural conversation, unlike whenever I chatted with Hau, in which case it got awkward when I didn't know how to reply to his enthusiasm. Lillie was gentle and beautiful. She had a kind atmosphere about her. She looked to me for support when she most needed it, and that made me feel special. Like she actually might like me back. That was one predicament this crush threw my way. We were both girls, so I never worked up the courage to tell her anything. I had no problem with same-sex relationships—I even started silently shipping Hau and Ilima when I saw them hanging out one time. I worried how she would think of me if nothing worked out the way I hoped. Would Lillie accept me after she knew I liked girls, too? Could we continue to be friends? Would she return my feelings?  
In every scenario I imagined, something would go wrong. Then again, we always had fun checking out stores in new towns together. Caring for pokemon was also a favorite pasttime, and she seemed to enjoy listening to my piano playing when we found one in the Malie City Library. I still think we may have had a moment that rainy day on Exeggutor Island, only it was probably wishful thinking. Lillie was asking about what I planned on doing after I finished my Island Challenge. I had replied with a simple, "I don't know," that held more meaning than I let off. I felt her eyes watching my profile gaze out at the gloomy atmosphere, so I turned to her. We stared at each other for a long time, a light blush creeping to my cheeks while hers started flaming. I remember giggling a little as her mouth formed so many words it was hard to count. Eventually I broke the staring contest and Lillie seemed to relax, continuing our conversation. Out of my peripheral vision, I could tell she was watching my every move and possibly wanted to ask something, but I dismissed it.  
I was heartbroken for two reasons when I learned Lillie was departing for Kanto. One, she decided keeping her friends in the dark was better than telling them; two, I felt a longing to return to my hometown in Johto, except I had more obligations in Alola since becoming the Champion. Red was covering my position as Champion in Johto until my return. I could understand Lillie wanted to help her mother recover, but as the days went on I grew lonelier. I holed up in my home, neglected my pokemon, even refused to eat for a few days. My complexion turned even paler than before and my eyes lost that twinkling hope I used to carry. The only place I would go was the Marina, wishing for Lillie's ship to return and to see her wonderful long, blonde hair again.

The sun shined down just perfectly and the wind blew gingerly.  
Ugh, get it right weather. Rain clouds, puddles, thunder. Anything but this happy day would calm my mind.  
I sulked around Route One and Hau'oli City, allowing my pokemon to get some exercise. My most loyal three, Decidueye, Vikavolt, and Vaporeon, kept coming back to make sure I was okay. Well, I'd been doing better since the first two years of Lillie's absence. This was the third, which would make us eighteen. I'd heard from Hau that she sent him a letter, claiming she would be back soon. It made me extremely jealous to see that he found the news first. Not one word to me for two years and he got a whole journal entry? What was up with that?! I got out of the house, at least. As I moved, I put a tiny skip into my step, heart beating fast at the realization of Lillie's return today.  
On the beach I sat under a tree while my pokemon played in the sand, Vaporeon and Lapras in the water, and I fed them each one Pokebean. Looking around at the small crowd of people, I couldn't help but make up stories for their own lives. I pretended an older woman with a rare Kricketune was an artist, longing to discover a new species of pokemon. A child splashed in the waves with a Barboach, probably dreaming of becoming a scuba diver. Suddenly, I spotted Ilima walking my way with Smeargle. I abruptly stood up to address the trial captain and a few of my pokemon gathered at my side. I may have been blushing a little since I caught him starting to smile rather widely. A simple crush that didn't really go away was all it was, just admiration.  
"Alola, (Y/N)! Glad to see you outside today," Ilima said.  
"Yeah, it's been a while, hasn't it?" I tried to reply nonchalantly. I casually put my arms behind my head and sat back down on my grassy patch. My Mimikyu positioned himself beside me, hiding from the sun.  
"How've you been doing since you finished the Island Challenge?" He asked with concern as he sat on my left side.  
I sighed loudly. I suppose it's about time I had an actual conversation with someone. "I'm sure everyone knows the answer to that question by now."  
"Yes, but nearly no one knows why," he said, "Everyone wants you to be happy. What changed?"  
I stayed silent. No one knows because not everyone would understand. Was I ready to tell my secret to anyone, even Ilima? I didn't know him that well, but we'd occasionally check up on each other's lives, as I did with most other people I had met. Smeargle hobbled over and smacked my face with its paintbrush-like tail as if to scold me for zoning out. Of course, Ilima ordered Smeargle back in its pokeball.  
"Sorry about that, he's never been very sympathetic," Ilima apologized.  
"You say that like you know what's bothering me," I said with some annoyance.  
"I may have a guess," he said with a smirk that seemed to know all too much. He put a hand on his chin and looked out toward the ocean, "Does it, by any chance, have to do with one of your friends?"  
I gaped at him with shock written all over my face, blushing madly.  
"Is it Hau?" He guessed with absolutely no teasing manner.  
Part of me was relieved he suspected the wrong person, but now I'd have to explain on my own.  
I took a deep breath. In, out. ". . .Lillie."  
"Pardon?" He asked.  
"I said I like Lillie! But I don't just like her, I love her!" I snapped.  
His simple, "Oh," seemed to tip me over the edge for some reason, and I found myself pouring out everything, from her small smile to the way she dances. Ilima listened, not commenting once as I ranted. God, it actually felt nice to confess outloud to someone that wasn't her. I went on for a few more minutes until I had nothing left to say.  
"Why didn't you tell her before she left?" Ilima wondered, "From what I just heard, she may have liked you too. You both seemed especially happy around each other—I have talked with the other trial captains about many things. She could be just as miserable as you."   
"Nah, she's the type that would be excited to come back again to see. . . someone," I bashfully replied.  
"Well, there is a way to find out."  
I turned to him with a questioning gaze.  
He pointed out toward the ocean, where he had been looking the entire time, to a squarish figure appearing on the horizon, and the thought started to form before he said anything. "Her ship is heading here right now."  
My eyes went wide as I quickly stood up and brushed myself off. I called my pokemon back; the ship was getting closer. I said goodbye to Ilima and he went his separate way, waving back. Did he really only come for that? I wondered as I ran through the Hau'oli Shopping District, careful to avoid people and bicycles. I heard the boat's long horn as it rolled through the waves, deep and lonely.  
My heart was pounding so loud and fast it could have burst from my chest. Lillie was here! That time I spent alone. . . I never realized that was just me being selfish. It was cold, and empty. Felt like I wasn't living. I should have lived better, wrote her every day. Maybe Lillie was missing me every day. Even if it were a friendship type of miss, that would be okay.  
The large boat pulled in to port. The building where people went through before the actual city was blocking my view. I stood in front of the glass doors, only needing to push one of them open. So simple, and yet I couldn't. I felt the need to hesitate. I turned away, looking down at my clammy hands to figure out what was wrong with me. That was it: I wasn't worthy of her. She deserved better. She deserved someone who would write to her every day, someone to buy her flowers, to tell her how beautiful she is, to help pull her up when she's down, to cheer her on no matter what the cost, a list of so many things I failed to do because I was too afraid. People passed by me, leaving the building and murmuring. I kept my head down and felt my eyes start to burn.  
"I'm pathetic," I whispered to myself.  
"(Y/N)?"  
I made the mistake of turning my head, recognizing that soft voice which twisted my heart so many ways. Guilt, sadness, joy, fear, love. When I saw Lillie behind me, she looked absolutely stunning, and so confused. I sniffed, still in my stiff position with my hands up and body half turned.  
"What's wrong?" Lillie rushed toward me and put her hands on mine.  
"Nothing, I'm just so glad you're back," I half-lied in a choked voice.  
"I know when something's bothering you, (Y/N)," She said calmingly.  
"It's just. . ." I trailed off, not sure how to form words with her worried face so close to mine. My heart started pounding faster and faster. I was positive my face was flushed, right down to my ears. She was still a few inches taller than me since we'd grown over the years.  
"I heard from the Professor and Hau that no one saw you for more than a couple times per year. They said you never talked to anyone. I want to know how to make you feel better!" Lillie scolded me.  
"W-well-" We were still holding hands.  
"Maybe this will make you feel better, even if it's just a little," Lillie whispered as our noses touched. A light blush covered her cheeks. She seemed fearless in that moment, but her eyes chanted something desperate. "I think I've waited long enough."  
Her soft lips touched mine. In that instant, I realized I'd been seeing the truth the whole time. I cried immense tears of joy, never wanting this to end. She pulled away just as quickly though. The kiss was a wisp that lasted only a few seconds.  
"D-did I scare you?" Lillie backed away. She mistook my tears for fear and I noticed they were still pouring hot rivers down my face. "I knew this was such a bad idea. The last thing I'd want would be to hurt you because I love you!" That was kind of obvious by this point, but she still covered her mouth with her hands as if she were a little kid who said a bad word in front of their parents. I paused, looked her straight in the eye and attempted to keep my features from melting.  
"Dammit, Lillie. I was supposed to be the first to say it. . ." I cried out in a small voice. I couldn't see anymore. I wiped my arms over my eyes, trying to clear my vision again.  
For a terrifying few moments I thought she left. Suddenly, Lillie kissed me again. This time, more passionate. I wrapped my arms around her as a hug to leave completely no space in between. This was all I wanted. No one could tell us if this was right or wrong, love is love. One of her hands started to play with my (color/length) hair, and continued to after we broke apart.  
"When did you know for sure?" I asked her, quietly.  
"That day we came back to Iki Town to celebrate your Championship," Lillie answered, "You had helped me through so much, and I was glad to finally see you celebrate something just for yourself. I had so much fun talking to you and hanging out that I almost confessed. I'm so sorry I never wrote to you. . . I was just afraid that you wouldn't respond. When did you realize you loved me?"  
"Why would you think that?" I laughed a little while Lillie shrugged her shoulders, embarrassed. "Anyway, it was when we played the Sun and Moon flutes to summon Lunala, and afterward when you said goodbye to Nebby," I said, "I kept thinking how I got through the best and worst times with you, and I realized that I'd been happier with you than ever. I wanted to keep having adventures with you."  
Professor Kukui, Hau, and Lusamine emerged from the building that was behind us, confused at first, then smiling wide. They were happy to see us overjoyed, to see that we would be okay if we had each other. We giggled and I hugged her one last time before everyone took off.  
"I promise I'll never let go of you again," I vowed. Forever and always, my happy ending, my precious, Lillie.


End file.
